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She first held my hand
five delicate fingers, swallowed up
in my palm. Fingers grasping
at my fingers.
Tiny.
No indication of such a big life.
There was comfort
Reassurance.
A small hand, I thought I could
hold it forever.
Tighter
to keep it there.
Stop it from growing
The hand has grown, still delicate
there
in my palm.
Now that of a woman
like no other
a part of me.
Like
no other woman.
She is full with
room to grow
to emerge.
She is what I have, and
the one who is
always there.
As I have tried to be.
A strength more than physical
difficult
to comprehend.
A gentle patience, a
small hand,
wisdom larger than
life itself.
I want to hold her hand
a while longer
to reassure
I have done something right
in this world.
When there
I have no questions.
None of myself, as a human being
or otherwise.
I host
too many doubts
which have withered
my ability
to see.
In her I see what I am and
what I could be.
If nothing else,
the one good thing
I can be
and will always be
to her.
©2015 j.g. lewis
Posted on April 22, 2015 by j.g.lewisLeave a comment
I could warm milk on the stovetop, but that
would only leave a mess. Sometimes you don’t do
what you need to do, because it leaves
a mess. The day still stings, long gone now. It’s shadows
of commerce and confusion invariably run up
against ever-present fears. My heart is restless, doubting
all intelligence my head provides. My body rises,
on its own will, against tepid protest, returning
slowly to an empty kitchen. Six minutes
past three. It feels later. The clock denies. Laughter outside,
from wayward teenagers, scurries through the window.
I wonder how, in the past, I could sequester myself
from day-to-day cruelties. I wonder why I no longer
could, or was allowed to. Or why I let myself
express everything I felt or what I didn’t. The soul
recycles its madness, the night still the night, taking
on the tensions of a thunderstorm that will
never come. My body is weary, all of me is
weak. I am tired. Yet my fingers move, like this is
automatic, like this is what they should be doing. My
mind is all over the place, but my fingers are here. Words
appear, recounting, repeating, earnest thoughts of fears
splattered across the page. Sometimes you have to do
what you need to do. Even, if it leaves a mess.
©2014 j.g. lewis
Posted on April 15, 2015 by j.g.lewisLeave a comment
yesterday
today
was
tomorrow
I had many things to do
things I had put off
consciously or
unconsciously it mattered not
I was determined to get them
done
one (or all of them)
by
one
done today
when it was tomorrow
it seemed easier
it seemed manageable
it seemed as if there would
be time
when today
was tomorrow
yet as tomorrow came,
as it always does
as yesterday lost hold of
the hours and
its way
and tomorrow just happened
anyway
it seemed as if
time had passed me by
as if a day;
today or any day
slipped off the calendar
falling like a rose petal or
disgraced politician
into the basket of days misspent
or wasted
days which promised more
but delivered less
tomorrows do that
they never quite live up to
today
and all too often
become a yesterday
©2014 j.g. lewis