Mythos & Marginalia

2015 – 2025: a decade of days


  • Not All Black And White

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    “The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it.”
                                                                                                                                           – Ansel Adams

    I grew up in a black and white world.

    The first television images I can remember flashed from a behemoth black and white screen, but all media, at the time, were mainly black, white, and the shades between.

    A newspaper, then the real source of news, was filled with glorious photographs capturing history as it happened. Even magazines were mostly black and white (images from LIFE magazine instantly flash in my head), and were for years. Outside of the occasional cover, the early Rolling Stone (then a tabloid, at first, without staples) photos were mostly black and white.

    Significant moments are fixed in our collective psyche; the Kennedy assassination, fists raised symbolizing black power on the medal podium at the ‘68 Olympics, John and Yoko’s Bed-in for Peace, Nixon leaving the White House by helicopter, even Kurt Cobain’s memorial images from the ‘90s, all black and white.

    Family snapshots in colour eventually came into our home, but the first adorable images of me in my high chair, or standing in front of the fireplace with my siblings, are recorded for posterity in black and white.

    As the years and decades progressed, with advancements in the photographic world, film and equipment shifted towards colour. Black and white was still what attracted me to photography. About age 10, I made my first contact print with a DIY photography kit my mother found at a church rummage sale. It was like performing magic. I discovered I could make a photograph, and a passion was ignited.

    Capturing images took over my imagination. I knew I wanted to be a photographer. I used to sneak off with my dad’s 35 mm. I volunteered as a yearbook photographer in junior-high school as an excuse to use his equipment. I fell in love with the camera.

    My professional experience working with film began at age 16 when I secured a summer job working as a studio lackey. I did the stuff nobody else wanted to do, changing darkroom chemicals and hauling equipment around. I photographed products (cans of vegetables, boxes of wrenches, packages of underwear, spark plugs) on a medium-format camera, but mainly worked in the studio darkroom reproducing other people’s work for the advertising agencies and accounts the high-volume studio contracted with.

    Many a workday was spent in the muted amber-tinted darkness, and I loved it. I felt a part of it all. I honed my darkroom skills so by the time I was hired as a photographer with a daily newspaper; I had that part of my act down pat.

    The darkroom is the other side of photography — the part fewer and fewer people know about — taking the image from a negative and putting on the paper.

    Most of my newspaper work was in black and white. Colour then, at a medium-sized daily broadsheet, was reserved for special editions and, of course, advertising. Colour photography, to me, has always seemed cold and calculated, where black and white has a soul, with textures and temperaments than can be seen and felt.

    Many of my favorite images are still black and white; Adams’ landscapes, Walker Evans and Robert Doisneau’s glimpses of real life in earlier times, Jean-Perre Laffont’s view of an era more familiar, the surrealism of Man Ray, and the fashionable cutting-edge eroticism of Helmet Newton. Even my favorite album covers are monochrome; London Calling by the Clash, Patti Smith’s Horses (early Robert Mapplethorpe photography) and Springsteen’s Born To Run. I still, for inspiration, will leaf through the National Press Photographer’s Association annuals.

    When you work with a camera long enough, as you begin to see the world in black and white, it becomes a part of you. You know what each lens can do and which camera body to count on in certain situations. ‘F8 and be there’ was the standard mantra. You become friends with light, learning the traits and tendencies and how it will attach itself to your film.

    My first SLR camera had nothing automatic. It wasn’t until the late 70s when Nikon introduced automatic metering, but by this time I knew how to read light and never used the settings. The difference between correct exposure, many times, went back and forth between an f stop and an F word.

    And lenses? There was nothing automatic about them. Manual focus, and you had to be fast. Zoom lenses were available, but the quality was never there. For that reason you carried a canvas bag stuffed with a handful of fixed-focal-length lenses. Equipment was made of metal, aluminum, and glass. Motor drives were an add-on. Size was size, it didn’t matter, and it came with a weight. You hold a deep appreciation for a certain era of photographer when you look back on older Sports Illustrated magazines, knowing that everything captured was captured honestly. It was slight of hand, intuition, and having the right eye.

    I left the newspaper as the world began whispering digital. First-generation digital imaging had just arrived at the newspaper, and we had to then scan actual negatives into the computer.

    Almost a decade later, in an effort to get back to photography, I purchased a digital body. I played with it a bit, but it mostly sat and collected dust. I made a point, through 2008, to use the camera, each and every day. I fiddled around, marveled at what it could do, though I never took it seriously. I never took it to the next level.

    I even spent a weekend learning, in an intensive workshop, Apple’s Aperture software. It was more my lack of hands-on computer skills, than darkroom knowledge, that held me back. Learning the digital darkroom was important to me as I knew the wet darkroom so well, and believed you have to know both aspects of photography for it to be a craft, or an art.

    Yet, I never full embraced digital photography until this year. Along with producing images for this site, there was this burning need to take it further. In the cooler months I set a goal, a simple photo essay, which would allow me to explore a topic and become more familiar with my equipment.

    Plenty of hours have been spent on this project over the past six months. Now in the ‘darkroom’ stage, it will find space here in the coming weeks.

    I’ve learned a lot about photography, and more about myself, through this focus on what I enjoy. What I found, mostly, was that the change was not so much in equipment and but in mindset.

    Black and white was comfort for me. I knew film and paper, what it had to do and what I wanted it to do (not always the same ting). Shooting an assignment or subject, I always saw the potential image in black and white. You learn, intrinsically, to adjust for skin tone, or artificial and low light, and you come to understand the limitations of the equipment and the media, and your work within.

    It was easy, or became easy, in black and white. It seemed organic.

    Digital is different. Totally. It felt synthetic, or artificial, and it was uncomfortable, at first.

    Yes, there is the B&W setting, but digital photography, now like life itself, screams colour. Digital is immediate. The image you create is right there, immediately. You can see what you have captured on a tiny screen at the rear of the camera. There is no waiting the hours or days to get back to the darkroom.

    Your work is present, in full colour, in the now. And the camera has become a piece of technology, not just a metal case to shield sensitive film from the light. Even lenses are vastly improved. They are faster, smoother, more flexible, and they can make life easier.

    With these changes, you have to think differently. First thoughts are still on form and composition, but a photograph is now — like money, movies, and memory — all about digits. It is no longer about film grain and speed, but pixels and ISO. It is, from the start, more adaptable, perhaps even more suitable to today’s hectic pace. Digital is clean; certainly nowhere near as messy as what photography used to be (I can’t tell you how many good shirts have been ruined by caustic darkroom chemicals), and it now easier to package, to share, and to send.

    Digital is not better (far too subjective a term) but just is what it is.

    I had to get my head around that, and do so by thinking of my past work as black and white, my new work in colour. Digital, to me, is colour. Digital is efficient, therefore, digital may be more challenging.

    This has inspired me to look deeper, to think a littler harder, at how to make the equipment work and how to make a photograph. I suppose I’ve warmed up to colour. Again, as it was decades ago when I was caught up in the magic of photography, I find myself today wanting to learn more about what it, and I, can do.

    Indeed, it is digital, and it is different, but — as it has always been for me — it is still magic, and it is still about discovery.

    “The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
                                                                                                                                        – Marcel Proust

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  • A Tear

     

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    I shed a tear today,
    one for myself, and one
    for others. I shed a tear
    on behalf of my brother.
    My sister, I know,
    will shed many of her own,
    but I shed one anyway,
    so it be known.
    A tear to remind me,
    again, of my father, a
    bigger one then
    for my dear caring mother.
    I shed a tear also
    for someone unknown,
    but I read today
    how the flowers have grown.
    I shed a tear
    for those in pain, and for those
    who cannot love again.
    I shed a tear for
    a missing child, I
    shed a tear for
    my missing wild.
    I shed a tear, knowing,
    I must
    be stronger,
    knowing I may need
    to shed them
    a little while longer.
    I shed a tear
    as I try
    to be kinder, every
    tear I shed a constant
    reminder.
    I shed a tear
    and then realize
    how a tear reminds us
    why
    we have eyes.

    © 2015 j.g. lewis

  • Daily Reminders Of What You Are

     

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         Self-actualization is bullshit.

    I wrote this down about a year-and-a-half ago, an entry in my agenda. I do that, scribble out a thought, each day. It’s part of my process, not of writing, but of being a human being.

    Each day this thought, or quote, or collection of words, becomes a mantra. It is something to think about, up and above all the blessings and ballyhoo one may encounter as we walk on this planet. The words provide a focus. Some people are more apt to select a sonnet, or psalm, or lesson from Buddha or Paramahansa Yogananda (I’ve written down a few of those), but I’m more likely to ponder a Pete Townsend or John Hiatt lyric, or a slice of graffiti sprayed under a bridge, as I am a random retrospection.

    I’ve been a quote collector for decades, but didn’t really start writing them down until January 2013, as I was partway through this period of evolution (a much sexier word than change). Some of the words have, and will, appear on this screen, as a daily breath . . . others remain personal reminders, only to my self. It’s a part of being here.

    Over the past few years these valuable offerings and observations have included;

         I know nothing.                                                  Things are going to get easier              
         I learn everything.
                                                What happened to faith and patience?
                                                                                                                           Do no harm
               If the moon whispers . . . listen                                                 but take no shit
                                                Put everything you have
                                                into everything you do.
                                                                                           If you roll like thunder
                  Infuse your muse                                       You’ll crash like lightening

    Each word, each day, provides a moment or two of reflection. I establish my truth, I go about my life, and then do it all again the next day. It is my route towards improvement, becoming more aware of my self and others, and being a better person.

    The ‘self-actualization is bullshit’ entry strikes a chord, right now. Then, on that day, it was written in anger. Then, some days, anger was a common mood. Now it serves as a reminder of where I was, and an emotion that no longer serves me.

    The course of change is focused mostly, or at first, on eliminating nasty habits. As your personal revolution continues, you find reason to drop the insidious envy, and fear, and doubt, and traits no longer useful. Yes, there are periods of grief that offer repose, and it comes in moments when you realize your addictions and afflictions are not of substance, but of ego and attitude.

    As you move closer toward your intended purpose, you chose not to let the weight of the past knock you down, and foster a gentler, simpler approach. It’s not that life is simple, but it can be broken down into more manageable portions.

    Yes, the principles of self-actualization do come into play, and not all of it is bunkum. On any given day, you will find yourself facing the bitterest of truths and the need to do so.

    Abraham Maslow, in his hierarchy of needs, sets self-actualization at the top of the pyramid. The basics of food, shelter, and security are all required before you can self-actualize, as is the sense of belongingness and the need to be good.

    As you struggle to get a grasp on the real world, it’s easy to get stuck on the need to be good.

    Good. Now, there’s one hell of a confusing word; totally subjective, and there are so many interpretations. You can be good at something, and strive to be better, but how good is good? Are you ever good enough? The good I speak of is not demonstrated proficiency in your craft, profession, or pursuit, but rather the goodness that wends its way through your ribcage and runs along your sole to the core of your existence.

    This good is more of feeling, and of truth. For with the act or path of goodness, you must be able to give yourself freely to a community, to love, to care, to show empathy and forgiveness. Goodness — and it cannot be demonstrated in some brash or vainglorious manner — is to accept your self in the most human way and, more so, accept and believe in others.

    When you can find comfort there, in yourself and with others, you know you are good. It is the realization of this goodness that will allow you (physically, spiritually and emotionally) to achieve your goals and to arrive at this place.

    I suppose I am still looking for the place, but I seem to be finding contentment in where I am. It hasn’t been an easy journey (is anything that is worth pursuing?) and it has taken hundreds of yoga classes, a temple’s worth of candles, 238 (or 241) pencils, and a carton of scribblers, journals and wrinkled scraps of paper.

    It has taken great thought, and it takes daily reminders of where you want to be, and what you are. You need to be honest, you need get past the bullshit and do what has to be done, but most of all you need to be there to get there.

    Show up
    Tell the truth
    Risk everything

    © 2015 j.g. lewis

     

  • Sunday Night In July

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    No light no longer
                   No longer young
    Decommissioned ship in the harbor
                   Eleven floors down
    Elegant still
                   Naked then on twisted hotel sheets
                   Restless as a taxicab
                   Sunday night in July
    A night
                   Following a day following a night
    Sunlight not once disturbing the
                   Prurient darkness of air-conditioned anonymity
                   Mascara-streaked pillowcase
                   Necktie carelessly discarded on the carpet
    Slender fingers
                   Nicotine-stained
                   Nervously twisting through unkempt hair
    Glamorous yesterday
                   Bedhead now
    Give me space
                   First give me a light
    Deceit sticks to the skin in the ugliest manner
                   Like humidity
    Her husband is on the phone
                   I’ll step out
    But can’t
                   Walk away

    ©2015 j.g. lewis

  • Mean What You Say

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    There is a small mustard streak on the crisper drawer, inside the fridge. Inside this particular crisper rests a half bag of semi-composted baby spinach. It’s not that I don’t eat a lot of spinach; I just don’t eat it from this particular bag.

    And it’s still there.

    Early last week, the sign pictured above was posted on the bank of refrigerators in the lunchroom at work. I presume similar signs were posted on similar fridge doors in other lunchrooms within the company’s high-rise architectural wonder.

    Now I wasn’t home all day Sunday, but someone was, and the fridge is still in need of a good cleaning. Nobody showed up to do the job.

    The sign, as you can see, said “all refrigerators”. It didn’t specify a certain floor, or building, or city for that matter. The sign said “all” fridges.

    I like to take words seriously.

    Now I hadn’t heard anything on the radio, or television, and nobody Tweeted, about a national or international campaign to ensure all fridges were cleaned. Nor do I recall any sort of Royal proclamation. But, you know, it could happen. The Easter Bunny still shows up, and Santa Claus, so maybe there was this new mystical entity that would, each year on August 2, visit households worldwide to empty and clean out the refrigerator.

    It could happen. Most likely though, it was somebody not truly thinking about the totality of the project, and they just slapped up the laminated sign rather than thinking about how to better convey this rather timely message.

    Think of all the mothers who may have spent Saturday evening baking, just so their children could leave a plate of cookies and glass of milk for these fridge elves who were going to magically appear and clean out the icebox. How disappointed were the kids who woke the next day and rushed to the kitchen for Corn Flakes, only to discover the cookies had not been eaten?

    How disappointed were the mothers? Who wouldn’t want to wake up to a clean fridge?

    Words are important; not only for conveying messages, but for the messages they convey. Words have always been important; how else would we know what has happened before, or be warned of what is still to come, if it weren’t for words.

    Correct word usage has been essential, historically, but as information now arrives at a pace we have never before known, words are more crucial than ever. Words provide context. Words provide content. Words provide consideration. It’s important to care a little more about how you use your words, and what words you use.

    If you want to make a point, make it effectively. Be specific. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and say it like you mean it. If you leave holes, sure enough, something or someone will slip through. The more open you have been, or less specific you are, the more room there is for greater interpretation, further confusion, and higher expectations.

    © 2015 j.g. lewis