Take these humble hearts, those who trust, perchance, too much, the ones who now shelter themselves from the agony which lingers from trying; from hoping; from believing there could be more. Heathens, yes, for lack of a more apt word but neither an infidel, nor a fool. Where trust is too much, there is faith without discretion. There remains a longing few can see, or realize, for they need to believe. See these unwilling victims not for what they have not been, but for each tiny gesture, shameless notion, and act of empathy, however inferred. Allow them to create, leave them to their ways. Let them be. Teach them, these broken souls, not to look for the lesson, but to accept the graceless guidance oft shone into clotted shadows. Knowingly they will expand and contract in self-preservation, self-examination, and sorrow. It is there, in seclusion, where errors in understanding take on perspective. There, those humble hearts, may come back to being. Each carries a pulse. They bleed silently and remorsefully. They have loved you before, and may again.
The radio no longer crackles
as it used to do
with
the lightening,
as
it happens.
Through the darkness
a voice calls out, Pagliaro singing to the broken and the lame.
Rain, rain,
rain showers.
The radio crackled in the night
sharp-edged static
then a stinging silence
before the thunder,
not but a few heartbeats.
The sky
opens up.
Thunder and lightening, touches the earth, as you feel shame.
Rain, rain,
rain showers.
The radio plays to the lonely
as it always has.
The moon
cowers behind vengeful clouds.
She, partially broken, is vulnerable
like you.
Still not there.
Unable to protect, as you thought she could, from all the pain.
Rain, rain,
rain showers.
The radio no longer crackles
across the airwaves.
Emotions, still fragile,
Shatter
in the rain.
No one is to blame.
Strengthen my faith.
Let me live again. No longer broken, no longer tame. Not again.
Rain, rain,
rain showers.
I light a candle to illuminate thoughts this world holds. Some I cannot understand, others simply trying to land but hover instead. And this song keeps playing in my head.
I can’t find my way home.
I feel there will be no peace, not now, not among this culture of shame and blame. Not when you question others, but refuse to question yourself. Still I light a candle.
I can’t find my way home.
Just beyond the candlelight, I watch days slip into night, amidst a maelstrom of discontent, you never know what is meant. Look over your shoulder. Look further through your past.
I can’t find my way home.
Fistfuls of violence, mouthfuls of reality escape. Thoughts which should not be free, peace should not be a luxury. I strike a match to light up a candle, to shine a light for hope.
She first held my hand five delicate fingers, swallowed up in my palm. Fingers grasping at my fingers. Tiny. No indication of such a big life. There was comfort. Reassurance. A small hand, I thought I could hold it forever. Tighter to keep it there. Stop it from growing
The hand has grown, still delicate there in my palm. Now that of a woman like no others a part of me. Like no other woman.
She is full with room to grow to emerge. She is what I have, and the one who is always there. As I have tried to be.
A strength more than physical difficult to comprehend. A gentle patience, a small hand, wisdom larger than life itself.
I want to hold her hand a while longer to reassure I have done something right in this world.
When there I have no questions. None of myself, as a human being or otherwise. I host too many doubts which have withered my ability to see.
In her I see what I am and what I could be. If nothing else, the one good thing I can be and will always be to her.